Secular Therapy for Divorce Navigation & Healing

Atheist, Agnostic & Secular

A lot of therapists in Texas – even the ones who don’t openly talk about their faith – still operate from Christian assumptions about marriage. You’ll notice it in subtle ways:

• They assume marriage should be saved at almost any cost
• They focus heavily on forgiveness without examining whether the harm warrants it
• They ask what you’ve “tried” before divorce, like you need permission to leave
• They frame divorce as inherently traumatic rather than sometimes necessary

I don’t have a bias toward staying married or getting divorced.
My job is to help you think clearly about what you actually want and whether your relationship can realistically give you that. Sometimes that means working on the marriage. Sometimes it means ending it. Sometimes it means sitting in the uncertainty while you figure it out.
This matters especially if:

• Your spouse is religious and sees your lack of faith as part of the problem
• Your family thinks divorce is a sin and you’re tired of that conversation
• You feel guilty about considering divorce even though you don’t believe in religious teachings about marriage
• You need someone who works from research and psychology, not scripture
• You’re allowed to prioritize your own wellbeing. You’re allowed to leave a marriage that isn’t working. You don’t need divine permission.

Spiritually Eclectic

You don’t believe in God, and that shouldn’t be a problem in therapy.
A lot of therapists in Texas – even the ones who don’t openly talk about their faith – still operate from Christian assumptions about marriage. You’ll notice it in subtle ways:

• They assume marriage should be saved at almost any cost
• They focus heavily on forgiveness without examining whether the harm warrants it
• They ask what you’ve “tried” before divorce, like you need permission to leave
• They frame divorce as inherently traumatic rather than sometimes necessary

I don’t have a bias toward staying married or getting divorced.
My job is to help you think clearly about what you actually want and whether your relationship can realistically give you that. Sometimes that means working on the marriage. Sometimes it means ending it. Sometimes it means sitting in the uncertainty while you figure it out.
This matters especially if:

• Your spouse is religious and sees your lack of faith as part of the problem
• Your family thinks divorce is a sin and you’re tired of that conversation
• You feel guilty about considering divorce even though you don’t believe in religious teachings about marriage
• You need someone who works from research and psychology, not scripture

You’re allowed to prioritize your own well-being. You’re allowed to leave a marriage that isn’t working. You don’t need divine permission.

Ethical Non-Monogamy (ENM)

Your relationship structure isn’t automatically the problem.

If your ethically non-monogamous relationship is ending, some therapists will assume the non-monogamy is why. They’ll suggest jealousy was inevitable or that someone was secretly unhappy with the arrangement. Sometimes that’s true. Often it’s not.
ENM relationships end for the same reasons monogamous ones do:

• Growing apart over time
• Financial stress or incompatible money values
• Different parenting approaches
• Loss of connection or attraction
• Incompatible life goals
• Negative interaction cycles

I work with ENM clients without bias toward monogamy.

Sometimes opening a relationship reveals existing problems. Sometimes the problem is that one person wants to close it and the other doesn’t. Sometimes your polyamorous marriage is ending but your other partnerships are thriving. Sometimes the relationship structure is completely fine, and other incompatibilities mean you need to separate.
The work focuses on what’s actually happening:

• Is this specific relationship serving you?
• How does divorce impact your other partnerships?
• How do you handle legal proceedings and co-parenting when you have other significant relationships?
• How do you navigate family courts that assume monogamy?
• How do you manage coming out (or not) about your relationship structure during divorce?

You don’t need to defend your relationship choices while you’re trying to figure out if this particular relationship still works.

Religious Trauma & Faith Deconstruction

Sometimes leaving religion and considering divorce happen around the same time – but they’re not always connected.

If you’ve left your faith:
You might be realizing that religious beliefs kept you in a marriage longer than you should have stayed. Maybe teachings about covenant made you feel trapped. Maybe you were told to forgive endlessly or that divorce is sin. Now that you’ve left those beliefs behind, you’re seeing your marriage clearly for the first time.

You might also be dealing with a spouse who’s still religious and sees your deconversion as the real problem. Or family members who think you’re going to hell and that divorce proves it. That’s a lot to navigate at once.

If you have religious trauma:
Your trauma might be directly tied to your marriage – purity culture that damaged your sexuality, teachings about submission that created unhealthy power dynamics, or messages about forgiveness that kept you tolerating harm.

Or your religious trauma might be separate from your marriage entirely, but now you’re facing divorce and you’ve lost your church community right when you need support. Maybe you’re dealing with family judgment about both your trauma and your divorce.

Either way:

• You need a therapist who won’t try to lead you back to faith
• You might feel guilty about divorce even though you intellectually know it’s not a sin
• You’re probably dealing with complicated family dynamics
• You may be grieving the loss of community, identity, and certainty all at once

I understand that:

• Religious teachings can trap people in marriages they should leave
• Leaving religion and leaving a marriage can both be acts of self-preservatio
• Your deconversion might have created an unbridgeable divide with your spouse
• The voice in your head that says “divorce is wrong” doesn’t get to make your decisions anymore

You’re allowed to leave your faith. You’re also allowed to leave your marriage. You don’t need religious permission for either.