Individual Therapy Plano Texas
Contemplating Divorce?
Therapy to help you explore whether to stay or leave, what your options are, and what you actually want – without pressure from anyone else.
Request a Free 15-Minute Consultation
Four Questions
The Questions That Matter Most
Contemplating divorce means wrestling with complex questions that don’t have simple answers. Therapy help you focus on what actually matters so you can make a decision you can live with – and undersand the patterns that brought you here so you don’t repeat them.
Is My Marriage Fixable?
You’ve probably already tried to fix your marriage—therapy, books, date nights, better communication. But it’s not working, or it only worked temporarily. Some marriages can be saved with insight into your negative patterns and commitment from both partners. But when one or both of you are leaning out, you might not have the desire or energy to keep going.
What Do I Want?
What Would a Divorce Really Look Like?
When you think about divorce, what do you imagine? Financial devastation and a bleak future? Or freedom, relief, and a fresh start? Both versions are distorted. Your fear paints divorce as a catastrophe; your frustration paints it as a liberation. Neither is accurate. You need to think through the actual reality in practical terms – not the catastrophic or fantasy version.
The Paralysis of Potential Regret
orry about potential regret is paralyzing. You’re not fully committed to staying or leaving, so time passes and nothing changes—except distance grows and resentment builds. The fear works both ways: Are you giving up on something that could work? Or are you wasting years being unhappy?
Divorce Decision Therapy
What You Might Explore in Therapy
Is My Marriage Fixable?
You’re probably already tried to fix your marriage with therapy, reading books, prioritizing date nights, and improving communication. But it’s not working (or it worked temporarily), and now hope may be fading.
Some marriages CAN be saved, but they would require insight into your negative interaction patterns and a commitment from both partners to work on their own contributions to the problems. This can be an intense process that is often rewarding – if both partners are committed to the process (and assuming there is no abuse or addictions).
However, when one or both partners are leaning out of the relationship, couples therapy can be unsuccessful. Sometimes one or both of you don’t have the desire or energy to keep going, much less invest in the hard work of couples therapy and changing themselves (not the other person).
If you’re looking for help figuring out if your marriage is fixable, there are two options.
1. Individual therapy to help you figure out if your marriage might be fixable, what that might look like, and if you have the energy and desire to try to fix it.
2. Discernment Counseling is a time-limited (1-5 sessions) process designed to help a couple (together) decide on the future of their relationship.
Finding Your Voice Separate from All the Other Voices
Everyone has an opinion. Your mom thinks you should leave. Your sister thinks you should stay. Your spouse wants to work on the marriage. Your colleague says all marriages are hard. Society says divorce is failure. Your kids need stability.
Maybe you’re a people-pleaser (a pattern that probably didn’t start with your marriage), or maybe you’ve been doing what others wanted for so long you lost sight of what you want.
You might not even have considered what you want.
Or maybe you have conflicting desires – part of you wants to make it work and find the happiness you once had. Another part might feel a sense of freedom or relief at the idea of divorce.
Therapy is a place to explore your complicated thoughts and feelings, such as
“I’m not happy, and I don’t know if I ever will be in this marriage.”
“I want out, but I feel guilty.”
“I miss who I used to be.”
“I’m terrified of being alone, but I’m lonely anyway.”
“I fell in love with someone else, and I never expected this to happen.”
“I don’t think I can financially make it on my own.”
“I want to keep my current lifestyle, but at what cost?”
“I don’t even like my partner anymore.”
“I want to make this work, but I can’t do it alone”.
“I wish my partner were different”.
“I’m worried about my kids.”
We create space for you to figure out what you actually want, separate from guilt, obligation, and fear of judgment.
Resolving Ambivalence and Regret
Worry about potential regret can be profoundly paralizing. You’re not fully committed to staying or leaving, so time passes and nothing changes. Except distance grows and resentment builds.
The fear of regret works both ways. Are you giving up on something that could have worked and been beautiful again? But what if you stay and waste years being unhappy? What if you leave and end up alone or struggle financially? What if your kids hate you?
Therapy is a space to wrestle with these complicated, contradictory, and often painful thoughts and feelings. Often, as you move toward one direction, the grass starts to look greener on the other side, so you move toward the other side, and the same thing happens. This is a normal part of ambivalence and indecision.
Motivational interviewing (first used to help people with substance use disorders but now widely used by many mental and physical health professionals) can help you resolve ambivalence, figure out what’s holding you back, and make changes in your life (at your pace).
What Would Divorce Really Look Like?
When you think about divorce, what do you imagine?
Maybe you see financial devastation, the loss of your current lifestyle, and a limited retirement in the far distance.
Or maybe you see the opposite – freedom, relief, a fresh start, yourself in the arms of someone new, and finally feeling happy again.
Both versions are distorted. Your fear paints divorce as a catastrophe and your frustration paints it as liberation. Neither picture is accurate.
You might be doing the same thing with your decision to leave by minimizing how unhappy you are (“all marriages are hard”) or catastrophizing the cost of staying (“I’ll be miserable forever”).
Therapy helps you think through what each path actually looks like:
If you divorce: What changes? What does your life look like financially, logistically, and socially? What do you gain? What do you lose? What does your future look like? Not in theory – in actual, practical terms.
If you stay: What are you signing up for? Is this marriage as good as it gets, or is there potential for it to improve? What would staying cost you over the next five, ten, twenty years? What would it require from you?
Therapy gives you a neutral space to think through the actual implications of both paths – not the catastrophic version or the fantasy version.
What Patterns Brought You To This Point?
Most people contemplating divorce discover they’re dealing with deeper issues that didn’t start with this marriage:
Losing yourself in relationships (becoming whoever your partner needed instead of staying true to yourself)
Avoiding conflict until resentment explodes (keeping the peace until you couldn’t anymore)
Choosing partners who can’t meet your needs (and putting your needs aside)
People-pleasing at the cost of your own well-being (making yourself small to keep others comfortable)
Lack of assertiveness (you may not have learned how to ask for what you need or set boundaries)
If you leave: Understanding these patterns can help your next relationship be more fulfilling and successful. Otherwise, you might find yourself here again in 5-10 years with a different person.
If you stay: You need to understand your role in the negative cycles so couples therapy can actually work. Both of you got into this negative interaction cycle one small choice at a time, and you can get out of it the same way, if both of you are willing to work on your part of the cycle with a skilled therapist.
Whether you stay or leave, it’s beneficial to understand yourself better so that you can have more fulfilling relationships in the future with your current spouse or in a future relationship.
Are You Contemplating Leaving a Toxic or Abusive Relationship?
You can leave a relationship for any reason. A lot of relationships become unhealthy over time, as couples slip into negative interaction cycles, and each person plays a part in reinforcing the cycle.
However, there are some relationships that are toxic or abusive, and leaving can be really hard or even dangerous.
You might be struggling with self-esteem, self-confidence, lack of assertiveness, or even believing that you have options. That’s okay. It’s normal.
I’m not here to talk you into leaving. I’m here to support you in ways that are helpful to you. That might be helping you figure out more effective ways to communicate (or protect yourself), learning to set boundaries (much easier said than done), developing assertiveness, rediscovering yourself, or doing thought experiments about what could change in your life.
It’s okay if you don’t know what you need or if all of this feels impossible. As Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu said, “A journey of 1,000 miles starts with a single step”. The same is true here.
Goldfinch Counseling
Help Making Hard Decisions
Ellery Wren, LPC Associate
Supervised by Gale Hartschuh, LPC-S, LMFT-S
(she/her)
Someone Without an Agenda
I’m a licensed professional counselor in Plano, Texas, specializing in relationship transitions – particularly divorce and separation. I also happen to be divorced myself.
Does that mean I know exactly what you’re going through? No. Your relationship, your circumstances, and your emotions are unique to your divorce journey. But I might get it in a way that a non-divorced therapist might not fully grasp.
I’m not here to tell you my story, give you advice, or tell you it’s all going to be okay. I’m here to walk this journey with you – to help you think clearly, process complex and conflicting emotions, and make decisions that will help you land on your feet.
I’m also trained in couples therapy and discernment counseling, which means I understand relationship complexity from multiple angles. I’ve worked with people who are certain they want out, people who are agonizing over whether to stay, and people who feel trapped with no good options.
My approach:
You’re the expert on your life. I’m the person who helps you sort through it when everything feels overwhelming, whether you’re contemplating divorce, navigating a divorce, or healing afterward.
Curious about my education and training, learn more about me.
Goldfinch Counseling
The Plano Office
We see clients in-person in our Plano Texas office (just south of Frisco), at 8105 Rasor Blvd, Suite 225, Plano TX 75075.
Goldfinch Counseling
Contemplating Divorce FAQs
What if my spouse finds out I'm in therapy thinking about divorce?
What you discuss in therapy is confidential. I won’t contact your spouse or tell anyone you’re considering divorce.
That said, you’ll need to decide what to tell your spouse about being in therapy. Some people say they’re working on stress or personal issues (which is true). Others are open about exploring whether the marriage is working.
If your spouse asks if you can do couples therapy together, that’s a different conversation. I can’t see you individually for contemplating divorce and then see you both for marriage counseling – that would be a conflict of interest.
What if I'm just going through a phase or having a midlife crisis?
That’s a fair question, and it’s worth exploring. Sometimes unhappiness in a marriage is actually about depression, work stress, major life transitions, or other factors that have nothing to do with your spouse.
Other times, people dismiss legitimate unhappiness as “just a phase” because it’s less scary than admitting the marriage might not be working.
Therapy helps you sort out what’s what. Are you unhappy because of the relationship, or are you unhappy and blaming the relationship? That distinction matters.
What if I decide to divorce but don't know how to tell my spouse?
If you reach clarity that you want to end the marriage, we can work on how to communicate that decision. When to tell them, how to say it, how to handle their reaction, what to expect next.
That’s often one of the scariest parts – the actual moment of saying “I want a divorce.” Having support for that conversation can make it more manageable.
We can also talk about what comes next: whether you need to consult a lawyer first, how to think about the practical logistics, and how to take care of yourself emotionally through the process.
I'm worried about the financial impact of divorce. Can therapy help with that?
Therapy won’t give you financial advice (you need a lawyer or financial planner for that), but it can help you think clearly about the financial realities instead of letting fear make your decisions.
A lot of people stay in unhappy marriages because they’re terrified of the financial consequences – some of that fear is legitimate, and some of it is catastrophizing. We can talk through what you’re actually facing versus what fear is telling you.
Sometimes the financial hit is real and significant, and you need to decide if it’s worth it. Sometimes the fear is overblown and you’d actually be fine. Either way, you need clarity about the actual numbers before you can make an informed choice.
Are you biased toward divorce or staying together?
No. You have full autonomy to make decisions for your life. I will not sway you one way or the other. My goal is to help you gain clarity about the future of your relationship based on a better understanding of the negative interaction cycles and each of your contributions to the cycle. I may focus a bit more on what might be needed for path 3 (couples therapy) because one or both of you will need help exploring whether or not couples counseling is a real viable option.
Support at Every Stage
Wherever Your Journey Takes You
We help through the entire divorce journey: from contemplation, navigating the process, and healing afterward.
Deciding Together
If you and your spouse are both open to exploring the decision, discernment counseling helps you gain clarity as a couple—understanding what happened and whether your marriage can be saved.
Going Through a Divorce
If you decide to separate, therapy helps you think clearly, process emotions, and navigate the chaos of divorce—from custody decisions to co-parenting to rebuilding.
Healing After Divorce
After the crisis is over, the deeper work begins. Understand what happened, identify your patterns, rebuild confidence, and make sure your next relationship is different.
In-person or Online
Plano Texas Discernment Counseling
We see therapy clients in-person and online from our Plano, Texas office (just south of Frisco).
Most of our clients are from:
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Schedule an appointment, and let’s get you on a better path.