My divorce was final months or years ago. Is it too late to get help?

It's never too late. Many people wait months or even years after their divorce to seek therapy, either because they thought they should be over it by now or because the pain resurfaced unexpectedly. Post-divorce recovery doesn't have a timeline. Whether your divorce was six months ago or six years ago, if you're still struggling with grief, identity issues, co-parenting challenges, or difficulty moving forward, therapy can help. Some issues only become apparent once the dust settles.

Plano Divorce Journey Therapy

Helping You Navigate & Heal From Divorce

Q: How do I know if my marriage is really over, or if I'm just going through a rough patch?

Rough patches have an end in sight. You fight, you reconcile, things improve for a while. But if you've been unhappy for years, if you've tried multiple approaches and nothing sticks, if you feel more relief when your partner is gone than when they're home—that's not a rough patch anymore. Other signs: You've stopped fighting because you've stopped caring. You imagine your life without your partner and feel a sense of freedom or relief. You might be staying because of kids or due to guilt, fear, or because marriage is forever, not because you actually want to be there. If you're asking this question, you might benefit from Discernment Counseling, which helps you decide on the future of your relationship based on a better understanding of what happened to your marriage.

Q: What's the difference between discernment counseling and regular couples therapy?

Discernment counseling is time-limited (1-5 sessions) and designed specifically for couples on the brink of divorce where one person wants to stay and the other is unsure or wants to leave. The goal is clarity about whether to commit to working on the marriage or separate. Regular couples therapy assumes both people are committed to improving the relationship and typically continues for many sessions. Discernment counseling helps you decide which of three paths to take: continue as is, divorce, or commit to six months of intensive couples therapy with divorce off the table.

Q: I'm the one who wants to leave. Do I need therapy, or is therapy just for the person who got left?

Therapy is absolutely for the person who wants to leave too. Making the decision to end a marriage is one of the hardest choices you'll ever face. You might be dealing with guilt, fear, uncertainty about whether you're making the right choice, or pressure from family and friends. Individual therapy gives you space to work through your decision without judgment, gain clarity about what you want, and prepare for the transition ahead. Many people who initiate divorce need just as much support as those who were left—sometimes more.

Q: Will you help me decide whether to divorce, or will you just tell me to work on my marriage?

I won't tell you what to do either way. I don't have an agenda about whether you stay or leave. My role is to help you gain clarity about your situation, understand your options, and make a decision that aligns with your values and what you actually want—not what everyone else thinks you should do. Some people I work with decide to commit to their marriage. Others decide to leave. Both are valid outcomes. The goal is helping you make the choice from clarity rather than fear or pressure.

Q: How long does divorce recovery therapy take? I just want to feel normal again.

There's no set timeline because everyone's situation is different. Some people need a few months of support while navigating the immediate crisis. Others benefit from longer-term work as they rebuild their identity and life. The acute pain typically lessens within 6-12 months, but deeper healing—processing grief, rebuilding confidence, figuring out who you are post-divorce—can take longer. We work at your pace, and you're not locked into a specific timeline. Therapy continues as long as it's useful.

Q: I feel guilty for even considering divorce. Does that mean I shouldn't do it?

Feeling guilty doesn't automatically mean you shouldn't get divorced. Guilt is extremely common, especially if your spouse isn't abusive or terrible, you have a good life on paper, or you were raised with strong beliefs about marriage being forever. The question is whether the guilt is legitimate (you're violating your own core values) or whether it's fear of judgment, societal pressure, or internalized shoulds that aren't actually yours. Therapy helps you sort out the difference and figure out what you genuinely want versus what you think you're supposed to want.

Q: I'm already seeing a therapist, but they don't specialize in divorce. Should I switch?

If your current therapist is helping and you have a good relationship with them, you might not need to switch. However, divorce involves specific challenges—navigating legal decisions, co-parenting dynamics, high-conflict situations, identity reconstruction—that general therapists may not have experience with. If you feel like your therapist doesn't quite get what you're going through or isn't giving you the specialized support you need, it might be worth consulting with a divorce specialist. In Texas, licensing regulations generally don't allow you to see two therapists simultaneously unless the therapies are very different, so you'd need to transition rather than see both.

Specialized therapy for divorce recovery and relationship transitions in Plano, Texas—whether you're deciding, leaving, or rebuilding.

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Goldfinch Counseling

Where Are You in Your Divorce Journey?

I’m Thinking About Leaving

We offer individual therapy for those who want to contemplate divorce on their own or Discernment Counseling for couples navigating the decision together. Gain clarity on whether to commit to saving your marriage or move toward separation. Make this life-changing decision with professional guidance and confidence.

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I’m Going Through A Divorce

Individual support during separation and divorce. Process the grief, anger, and fear while navigating co-parenting, legal decisions, and life changes. Therapy to help you stay grounded during the chaos.

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I’m Recovering From a Divorce

Therapy for healing and rebuilding after divorce. Process the grief, rebuild your identity and confidence, and create a new life that feels authentic and fulfilling. You don’t have to do this alone.

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Goldfinch Counseling

Helping You Find the Way Forward

I’m Thinking About Leaving

For those contemplating divorce, we offer two options:

1. Individual divorce contemplation therapy for you to contemplate on your own.

2. Discernment Counseling for couples where one is ambivalent or wants out, to contemplate this decision in a collaborative way.

Both options help you figure out what happened in your marriage, if it’s potentially fixable, what it might take to fix, if you have the desire or energy to try, what you want, divorce narratives (often catastrophizing or fantasizing), realistic outcomes, resolving ambivalence, and more.

Since most people haven’t heard of discernment counseling, there’s a brief summary:

Discernment Counseling isn’t traditional couples therapy. It’s designed for couples on the brink of divorce who need clarity. Should you commit to working on the marriage, or is it time to separate? This is a space to explore your options honestly and gain confidence in your decision—whether you stay or go.

It’s a time-limited therapy (1-5 sessions), especially for couples where one person is leaning into the relationship (wants to stay together) and the other is leaning out (feeling unsure or wants to leave).

Discernment Counseling helps couples decide on one of three paths:

Pather 1: Continue the status quo

Path 2: Go your separate ways (divorce)

Path 3: Commit to 6 months of couples therapy (divorce is off the table, and you are each working on your agenda for change that we already created).

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I’m Navigating a Divorce

Navigating a divorce is incredibly destabilizing, with a mix of intense emotions and major changes to your day-to-day life and the future you had planned. You might be dealing with a difficult soon-to-be-ex, navigating co-parenting, or facing financial uncertainty.

Divorce can be an exhausting rollercoaster of grief, anger, relief, guilt, fear, and more.

Divorce and separation therapy gives you a space to:

Process complex emotions
Stay grounded in the most challenging moments
Navigate the parts within your control and those beyond it
Set boundaries with your soon-to-be ex
Make choices about your future

You don’t have to white-knuckle through this alone.

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I’m Recovering From a Divorce and Reinventing Myself

Even after your marriage is over, the pain can linger. Maybe you’re lonely, questioning your judgement, your worth, your future. Or maybe you feel relief, but you’re not sure who you are anymore.

It’s a lot, and every divorce situation and experience is different.

Divorce recovery therapy in Plano helps you:

Process grief, anger, and complex emotions
Rebuild your identity and self-confidence
Figure out what you want for your future
Navigate co-parenting
Create a life that feels authentic and fulfilling
Prepare for healthy relationships (if/when you are ready)
Understand what patterns led here so you don’t repeat them in future relationships

Rather than just surviving, you can create a life that you’re genuinely excited about.

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Breaking the Patterns that Brought You Here

Relationships don’t end on their own. Most people discover they played a role in why their marriage failed—not because they’re bad people, but because of patterns learned early:

Losing yourself in relationships
People-pleasing at the cost of your own needs
Avoiding conflict until resentment builds
Choosing partners who can’t meet your needs
Your role in the negative interaction patterns
Lack of assertiveness
Perfectionism

The deeper work isn’t just surviving the divorce—it’s understanding what happened so your next relationship is fundamentally different. This takes time (often 1-2 years), but it’s the difference between repeating history and creating something new.

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Goldfinch Counseling

We can Help

Ellery Wren, LPC Associate

Supervised by Gale Hartschuh, LPC-S, LMFT-S

You’re facing one of the hardest decisions of your life, and the confusion, grief, and fear can be overwhelming. I’m Ellery, a licensed therapist in Plano specializing in divorce recovery and relationship transitions.

I’m also divorced (and regularly help clients through their divorces), so I understand this journey and the confusion, grief, fear, and eventual hope that come with rebuilding.

Whether you need clarity about your marriage, support through divorce, or help rebuilding afterward, I’m here to walk with you.

My approach combines a variety of evidence-based therapeutic modalities to help you process emotions, gain clarity, and create a path forward that feels right for you. Learn more about me.

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Goldfinch Counseling

The Office

We see clients in-person in our Plano Texas office (just south of Frisco), at 8105 Rasor Blvd, Suite 225, Plano TX 75075.

Goldfinch Counseling

Divorce Therapy FAQs

These are some of the questions we hear most often from those contemplating, navigating, or recovering from divorce.

How do I know if my marriage is really over, or if I'm just going through a rough patch?

This is the question that keeps you up at night, isn’t it? Here’s what I tell clients: rough patches have an end in sight. You fight, you reconcile, things improve for a while. But if you’ve been unhappy for years, if you’ve tried multiple approaches and nothing sticks, if you feel more relief when your partner is gone than when they’re home—that’s not a rough patch anymore.

Other signs: You’ve stopped fighting because you’ve stopped caring. You imagine your life without your partner and feel a sense of freedom or relief. You might be staying out of the kid or due to guilt, fear, or because “marriage is forever,” not because you actually want to be there.

If you’re asking this question, you might benefit from Discernment Counseling. This special time-limited therapy helps you decide on the future of your relationship based on a better understanding of what happened to your marriage and each person’s contributions.

What's the difference between discernment counseling and regular couples therapy? We've already tried couples therapy.

Great question. Regular couples therapy assumes both partners want to work on the marriage and believe it can be saved. You go in hoping to fix communication, rebuild intimacy, or work through specific issues.

Discernment Counseling is for couples where one person is leaning out of the relationship. Maybe you’ve already tried couples therapy (sometimes multiple times) and it didn’t work. Maybe one of you wants out, and the other wants to try again.

Discernment counseling isn’t about fixing the relationship—it’s about gaining clarity on three paths: 1) Stay in the marriage as-is, 2) Separate/divorce, or 3) Commit to six months of intensive couples therapy.

It’s typically 1-5 sessions, and the goal is decision-making, not reconciliation. Sometimes the answer is divorce. Sometimes it’s giving therapy one more real shot (with a different agenda). Either way, you’ll move forward with more confidence and less regret.

I'm the one who wants to leave. Do I need therapy, or is therapy just for the person who got left?

You absolutely need support too—maybe even more than the person who got left.

Here’s why:
The person initiating divorce often carries enormous guilt, shame, and self-doubt. You’re questioning if you’re being selfish, if you tried hard enough, if you’re ruining your kids’ lives, if you’re a bad person for wanting out. Friends and family might judge you. Your partner might paint you as the villain.

Plus, you still have to grieve the marriage—the life you thought you’d have, the person your partner used to be, the dreams that won’t come true. Just because you chose to leave doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.

Therapy helps you:

Process guilt without letting it paralyze you
Confirm you’re making the decision for the right reasons
Manage your ex’s reactions without caving to pressure
Stay grounded when everyone has an opinion about your choice
Move forward without second-guessing yourself for years

You’re allowed to leave. You’re also allowed to need support while doing it.

My divorce was final months/years ago. Is it too late to get help?

Not even close. Many people don’t seek therapy until after the divorce is finalized—and that’s completely normal.

Maybe you thought you’d feel better once it was over, but you don’t. Maybe you’re dating again and realizing you have no idea who you are outside that relationship. Maybe you’re lonely, struggling with co-parenting, or beating yourself up about “wasting” years of your life. Maybe you thought you’d be further along by now.

Divorce recovery isn’t linear. Some people need support during the divorce; others need it 6 months later when the dust settles and the grief finally hits. There’s no expiration date on healing.

Therapy can help you:

Process what happened without staying stuck in it
Rebuild your identity and confidence
Figure out what you actually want now (not what you thought you wanted at 25)
Prepare for healthy relationships in the future
Stop ruminating about your ex or the “what ifs”
Create a life that feels authentic instead of like you’re just going through the motions

It’s never too late to get support. You deserve to feel good again.

Will you help me decide whether to divorce, or will you just tell me to work on my marriage?

I’m not here to tell you what to do—staying or leaving. That decision is yours, and I respect that it’s one of the hardest choices you’ll ever make.

My job in discernment counseling is to help you gain clarity:

What has happened in your marriage that got you to where divorce is a possibility?
What have you tried to fix the problems?
What role, if any, do children play in your decision?
What was the best time in your relationship?
Are there any unprocessed events that have happened (affairs, financial secrets, etc)?
What happens when you argue (we’ll use this to figure out your negative interaction cycles)?
I’ll help you examine the interaction cycle and identify your contributions, which may show up again in a future relationship.

I will not pressure you to stay because “marriage is sacred” or tell you to leave because “life’s too short.”

My goal is to help you think through this decision clearly so that whatever you choose, you can do it with confidence.

Some clients decide to recommit to their marriage. Others decide it’s time to leave. Both are valid outcomes. The goal is clarity, not a specific answer.

How long does divorce recovery therapy take? I just want to feel normal again.

I wish I could give you a timeline, but grief doesn’t follow a schedule. That said, most clients work with me for 6-18 months, depending on the complexity of their situation.

Here’s what I can tell you: you’ll start feeling better much sooner than you’ll feel healed. Many clients feel noticeable relief within the first few sessions—just having a space to talk honestly without judgment helps. But rebuilding your identity, processing what happened, and creating a new life takes time.

Factors that affect the timeline:

Length of the marriage (longer marriages = more to process)
Complexity of the divorce (high-conflict, custody battles, financial stress)
Support system (do you have friends/family who get it?)
Whether you’re co-parenting
Your attachment style and past relationship patterns

You won’t feel like this forever. The rawness fades. The intrusive thoughts decrease. Eventually, you’ll go hours, then days, without thinking about your ex. You’ll start imagining a future that excites you instead of terrifies you.

Therapy speeds up that process. It doesn’t make it instant, but it makes it less lonely and more intentional.

I feel guilty for even considering divorce. Does that mean I shouldn't do it?

Guilt is not the same as “this is the wrong decision.” Let me explain.

Guilt often shows up when we’re violating an expectation—societal, religious, familial, or our own. Maybe you grew up believing marriage is forever. Maybe your parents are still married and you feel like you’re failing. Maybe you’re worried about how this affects your kids, your finances, your reputation.

Ask yourself:

Am I staying because I genuinely want to, or because I feel obligated?
If my best friend described my marriage to me, what would I tell them to do?
Am I more afraid of the guilt of leaving or the resentment of staying?

You’re allowed to prioritize your wellbeing. You’re allowed to leave a marriage that’s hurting you, even if your partner isn’t abusive or “bad enough.” Therapy helps you sort through whether your guilt is something to explore or just the friction of making a hard but necessary choice.

How long does divorce recovery therapy take? I just want to feel normal again.

I wish I could give you a timeline, but grief doesn’t follow a schedule. That said, most clients work with me for 6-18 months, depending on the complexity of their situation.

Here’s what I can tell you: you’ll start feeling better much sooner than you’ll feel healed. Many clients feel noticeable relief within the first few sessions—just having a space to talk honestly without judgment helps. But rebuilding your identity, processing what happened, and creating a new life takes time.

Factors that affect the timeline:

Length of the marriage (longer marriages = more to process)
Complexity of the divorce (high-conflict, custody battles, financial stress)
Support system (do you have friends/family who get it?)
Whether you’re co-parenting
Your attachment style and past relationship patterns

You won’t feel like this forever. The rawness fades. The intrusive thoughts decrease. Eventually, you’ll go hours, then days, without thinking about your ex. You’ll start imagining a future that excites you instead of terrifies you.

Therapy speeds up that process. It doesn’t make it instant, but it makes it less lonely and more intentional.

I'm already seeing a therapist, but they don't specialize in divorce. Should I switch?

Not necessarily. If you have a good therapeutic relationship and your current therapist is helping you, that’s valuable.

But here’s when it might make sense to work with a divorce specialist:

Your current therapist seems uncomfortable with the topic of divorce
They keep pushing you to “work on the marriage” when you’re ready to leave
They don’t understand discernment counseling or the unique stages of divorce grief
You’re dealing with high-conflict divorce, co-parenting issues, or emotional abuse—things that require specific expertise.

The question is: are you getting what you need right now?

Do you provide faith based or secular counseling?

No. I offer secular counseling, which means therapy is grounded in psychological principles rather than religious doctrine. I am not religious myself, so I do not incorporate scripture, pray with clients, or use faith-based counseling approaches. The space is free from religious undertones or judgment.

If you’re religious or spiritual: You’re absolutely welcome to bring your beliefs into therapy. If your faith is central to how you make decisions or understand your life, we can talk about that. I’ll respect your values and work within your framework – I just won’t be offering religious guidance or theological interpretation.

If you prefer a completely secular approach: That’s the default here. We’ll focus on psychological well-being, practical strategies, and your personal values without religious overlays.

How do you feel about LGBTQ+ clients?

More than half of my clients are either part of the LGBTQIA+ community or practice some form of ethical non-monogamy. I find them especially wonderful and welcome all types of clients!

I also have a fairly large percentage of clients who find me because they are looking for a secular therapy environment.